Monday, October 31, 2011

True Story

This is a Halloween tale just for you. This really did happen to me. So sit back, drink your coffee and realize just how messed up I am. Oh and that isn't a picture of DJ.
Many, many moons ago when I was 9 months pregnant with DJ this happened to me. I still can't forget it.
Den and I went to bed like any other night. A quick kiss and he was off to sleep, I was left to try and find a comfortable position since I was so pregnant. I tossed and turned a bit but finally drifted off.
A few hours later, I awoke to someone talking to Den in the bedroom. I didn't recognize the voice but Den was talking to him in a soft whisper. The man speaking was upset but quiet. I was careful to keep my breathing the same even though I was panicking inside. Why was someone in our bedroom and why was Den talking to him? I continued to listen. I had to strain a bit but I could just barely make it out over my breathing. This is what I heard.
The man-"This is the first fetus that has made it this far."
Den-"Yes my lord and everything is going as planned. There are no complications."
The man-"You are tracking everything?"
Den-"Yes, I have reported everything."
The man-"You will report to us as soon as the child is born?"
Den-"Yes, I will do it immediately."
The man-"This is so exciting, this will be the first alien/human child on this planet."
Den-"I'm as excited as you are."
I fought desperately with myself not to open my eyes. I couldn't believe that I had been betrayed by Den. I heard them say their goodbyes. I fought to control my breathing. I tried to open my eyes ever so slightly but I still couldn't get a glimpse of the man as he left. I was covered in sweat and could feel it running down my neck and onto the pillow. I had to protect myself and my unborn child. But what kind of child was I carrying? Every thought raced through my head. That's when Den spoke.
Den-"I know you are awake."
I continued to regulate my breathing.
Den-"Open your eyes and see me in my true form."
I fought with myself that this couldn't be real and that it was all a dream. I opened my eyes and there before me was an alien with huge gray eyes, a small mouth and a huge head. I snapped my eyes shut. Fear raced through me. I laid there a little longer trying to get my heart rate under control. I forced myself to open my eyes again. I knew that this was only a dream. The bed was soaked in sweat and I was getting chilled. I opened my eyes and Den was his normal self. It was a dream. I felt so relieved. I laughed at how stupid I was and went back to sleep.
The next morning, I told Den the entire story with a smile. He said when I had finished, "You weren't meant to hear that."
Happy Halloween,

Friday, October 28, 2011

Fab Abs Friday!

This one really does it for me! You probably didn't need to know that. Is it hot in here?
Have a great weekend,

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Back To Christmas

I need to come up with a better way to track my Christmas mess. It is getting a bit out of control so I have a new plan and the plan isn't soaked in alcohol.
I have $251.91 right now in the Christmas fund.(these numbers won't match up exactly because I have purchased other things. I don't want to count them until I have them in my hot little hands!)
I've earned so far $420+. I'm having a hard time keeping an exact count. Next year, I will track it this way from the very beginning and won't have to guess at the end of December how much I have actually earned.
I also, have $126.92 worth of gifts in the gift closet downstairs that I used free gift cards on. They were my birthday and Christmas gifts from last year.
So far I have...........
2-$20 G.C. Chili's(paid $10 each)
2 $25G.C  Boston Market(paid $15 each)
4 $15 Rain Forest G.C. (paid $7.50 each)
3 $10 On the Border/Chili's/Macaroni Grill/Maggiano's G.C.(paid $5 each)
1 $25 GameStop G.C(free)
8 $12 movie tickets($6.75 each)
1 $25 Olive Garden G.C. (free)
4 $10 Subway G.C.($5 each)
I've spent $169 so far for $366 worth of gift cards/movie tickets (I'm not even adding in all of the Christmas gifts that I got for 90% off at Cracker Barrel, I have a life, you know)and all of it was free after all of the "tricks" that I've done and no, it wasn't prostitution. At this point in my life, I would be the one that had to pay.
I'm pretty happy with the way things are going and I have quite a bit done. And I have a few more angles to work! I'll keep you posted!
Merry Christmas(too soon?),
P.S.-McVal, you are the winner of the giveaway!!! "I think your car might need a laxative..."-won by a landslide. haha. Please send me your address and I will stalk send it to you right away!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

South Point

 This is a glowing review of South Point! It was a gorgeous hotel and so much fun. It is geared more towards people over 30 and that made it perfect because as everyone knows I'm 30. Just go with it, it will make me happy! They also give everyone a booklet when they check in and since I checked in three times, I scored a lot of free food and drinks! South Point was the only hotel that was free flowing with the drinks, everyone else was a bit tight. The staff also treats everyone like royalty and they all seemed to really like their jobs which added to the wonderful environment.
And this is what our room looked like. I'm not kidding either, they really are this swanky. I got to stay in three different rooms, two of them thanks to AirTran!
So if you are heading to Vegas, I would recommend South Point. And I'm not a paid celebrity either! Damn it.
We should all go to Vegas!
Think about it,

Monday, October 24, 2011

Snot a Problem

I think I have mentioned in the past how wonderful and thoughtful Donna Freedman is. She really does go out of her way to save the world even their sinus cavities. I told her the last time she was here, how I still have terrible headaches and get very dizzy when I turn my head. Not only can she help you stay out of debt, she is a doctor too. She may even be willing to play doctor with you, all you have to do is ask.  She told me how a company sent her a SinuSense turbo neti pot and would I like it.Yes, thank you!
I was so excited to try this. This little sucker could be the answer to all of my problems. I asked DJ to help me cut the box open and when he saw what it was volunteered himself as my assistant.  Maybe not an assistant but a heckler. I did not let him dampen my excitement.
Our conversation went something like this......
DJ-Let me get this straight, you are heating salt water and pouring it into a squirt gun that is battery operated?
Me-Something like that, DJ.
DJ-I'm so taping this for You Tube(He flops down on the toilet to get a better look at me)
Me-Piss off, get out!
DJ-I wouldn't miss this for the world.
Me-(I shove the thing up my nose and just give him a dirty look)
DJ-(laughingly) I have a question.
Me-(with the thing in my nose) WHAT?
DJ-Can't you drown on a few tablespoons of water?
Me-(still with said Neti pot in my nostril) I think so, I don't know. Why?
DJ-That thing has 8 ounces of microwaved salt water in it, what's to stop you from drowning?
Here is where I said nothing because honestly, I didn't have an answer. In fact, I was getting a bit scared and DJ wasn't helping at all. He was making it worse. But I decided that I wanted my health and was willing to try anything.
I flipped the switch. A few things happened at once, my eyeballs bulged a bit, the noise from the pump reverberated through my head and my head filled with water and desperately looked for an escape. All that said, it was quite refreshing in a VERY odd sort of way. It didn't hurt at all and really wasn't that bad. It wasn't fun but it wasn't terrible. The amazing thing is my head feels so much better today, honestly. I'm going to keep this up just not with DJ around. I would definitely recommend this to anyone with sinus problems. Today, is the first day that my ears aren't popping either.
DJ also, enjoyed the SinuSense turbo neti pot just for other reasons. He laughed until he had to rock back and forth. I was just glad that the rushing water in my head drowned him out. When it was all said and done he said, "God bless you, I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard. You made the throw up face the entire time. That was great."
Ahhhh, teenagers you have to love them. The thing he doesn't realize is the next time he gets a head cold I'm using it on him.

A Review

 To sum up our Vegas trip in one word........alcohol. I had no idea that we could consume so much and live. Yes, Den was as bad as I was. That is him leaning like a sexy model on a DeLorean. The pictures are terrible but lets just blame that on the lighting and not the alcohol.
 I may have done bad things with the Bob.
 We also, partied hard with Big Bird. I did not look under his feathers to see his junk. Den may have. There are some things that are OK to keep from your spouse.
Again when Den drinks he thinks he is a super model. I'm surprised that this turned out as well as it did, I was dying laughing.
We scored 7 round trip tickets for free so I'm all happy. I think we need to go back to Vegas, we just need to sober up for a while and let our livers regenerate a bit.
Den left a day before me and that was a mistake! He came back to a violent storm, a van that wouldn't run right, grocery shopping and a ton of laundry. I told him to stay! Before he left I said when you do laundry hang dry all of my dress shirts. I even made up a little ditty for him, "when in doubt, don't." He dried everything and ruined one new shirt that I only wore once. I asked him as nicely as I could through gritted teeth, how this happened when I said, when in doubt, don't! He said, he wasn't in doubt. GRRRRRRR!
I'm still behind and I'm quite shocked at how far gone the household gets when I leave. I promise that I will get back to everyone, I just need a few days to get back into the groove of it all.
Missed you,
PS-Oh ya, my brother got married in there too.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Over and Over

I'm living the movie Groundhog day. And I'm not kidding. I have not forgotten you but I am now the queen of running a deal. Move over sluggy, I'm the biggest winner of all times.
We were supposed to come back on Tuesday morning. We voluntary relinquished our seats.They gave us each 2 free tickets, $10 each in free airport food, 2 $25 upgrade on our next flights(for baggage or better seats) a free night in a hotel and free cab fare. Ummm, hell yeah an extra free night in Vegas!
The next morning the same thing happened and they needed people to voluntary relinquish their seats. No matter how hard I begged, Den wouldn't do it. He wanted to go home and he does have to work tomorrow. I know that they wouldn't have had a problem but he wanted to go. Plus we only slept a few hours so I will blame his bad judgment on that. He also wasn't happy that our luggage flew without us and I was washing our knickers and socks in the sink. Surprisingly, I'm alright with it.
So here I am for another night in Vegas. When I first got back to the hotel, I have to admit that I felt like crying a bit. I miss DJ and I do want to go home. I took a nap and it all passed.
It is 45 degrees and a huge storm is on its way back home. Go here for all the info. Den said he is freezing his ass off. And who's fault is that? Also the van didn't want to start when he got to the lot. So again, I'm ok with being in Vegas. I never play hooky and it doesn't suck.
The good news is that we figured we would have about $250 a day for food and gambling. It is hard to say how much we spent because Den would be up and then pay for our meals and gifts out of the winnings. We came home with about $800. Not including the airfare or room, though I think we did pretty good. We spent about $200. But I may lose that or I could win big. I'm not a gambler so I should be alright.
So pray that I can run this deal a few more times, I feel like a huge winner because of the free tickets. I wonder if we will go back to Vegas.

I also met Bumblebee in Las Vegas. I grabbed his junk and he transformed into a penis. I really don't know how these things happen to me.
I'm not sure when I will get home and it is $12 to log on to the internet here at South Point so I will update this as soon as I get back. I haven't forgotten you, I'm just lost in Vegas.
Miss you all,

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Gas and Donna Freedman

This is what it looks like when a car gives birth. It's not a pretty sight. I had hoped for another car. You know maybe something in red and a convertible. Who would have guessed that when a car gives birth it's to a man? And a smelly one at that!
Den fixed the white car! YAY Den. It was a miserable job, it took him 6 hours. But the good news is we are getting much better gas mileage now that there isn't a hole in the gas tank.
The problem that he had was there was still quite a bit of gas left in the tank. He drove it all week to use it up but there was still some left. At least, half a gallon of gas ran down his arm and on his chest while he was trying to get the tank loose. I did my wifely job of cheering him on and offering him a cigarette. Like I have always said, I am good to that man. He also did not want the blowtorch. Pussy.
My problem was getting the gas out of his clothes. I washed them in hot water with dish soap but it didn't help. Then I had a little idea, I poured a ton of Pine-Sol on it. I soaked it in hot water with the Pine-Sol. It was the new outdoor fresh scent. That worked wonders! I just wouldn't recommend drying it in the dryer.
I told the wonderful and vivacious Donna Freedman about our little gas adventure and she offered to sponsor a giveaway on my blog! I told you I know famous people!!
Since I am not going to be in touch for a while, I figured that I should leave you with something to do. Everyone that follows me please leave one smart-assed comment everyday for the next 7 days and I will pick my favorite and send you a coupon for 1 free bottle of Pine-Sol. So once again, you can leave one comment a day for the next 7(ish) days and I'll pick my favorite. I'm not quite sure when I will get back in to the swing of blogging but it should be about a week give or take a few.
Good luck and wish me well,
PS The giveaway is closed!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011


So SonyaAnn, what did you do today? Oh gee thanks for asking, I processed a stupid amount of carrots. I bet you are sorry that you asked. I peeled 11 pounds of carrots. My hands looked as if I got into a terrible fight and lost with a can of cheap sunless tanning lotion. 
 I saved a lot of the peels for Jessie's food and I bet the bitch won't even say thank you.
 This is what 11 pounds of coined carrots looks like. I know this is the highlight of your day!
 This is the last of the sad tomato harvest. We have gotten about 10 edible tomatoes this entire season. I'm hoping that a few of these babies will survive to give us maybe 15 for the year. I think our average spent is about $1 a tomato between the plants, food and the rotten corn to hold it up. Tomatoes are on sale here for $.49 a pound. And the store tomatoes taste better too.
DJ offered to throw them on the ground to watch them splat. I said no but it is still an option.
But it did work putting a green tomato in a brown paper bag. That baby there is number 10! I will put a few more of the green tomatoes in bags once we get back from Vegas. And I know nothing will eat them if I leave them outside because in all honesty, we don't want them either.
Here is wishing that you never have to eat anything I grow,

Monday, October 10, 2011

I Want To Be Cool

What to talk about, what to talk about?
I didn't post about it but I spent some time with the wonderful Donna Freedman! She was in town the beginning of October for Financial Bloggers Conference.Yes, I really am that popular. I was going to meet her at a hotel(hmmm, this post is headed downhill already) and then we were going to wander around Schaumburg. To be honest, we went to Woodfield mall. Seems almost sacrilegious to drag her there but we only got pretzels so we didn't sin by spending a ton of money(she paid so I was a cheap date). And since I'm not real familiar with the town that's how we ended up there.
She called me before I got there and asked if I would meet her and a few other people at a posh restaurant. Sure. The thing is I ended up with some of the most famous bloggers on the web. I sat with and spoke with Will Chen, Flexo, Carrie Kirby  from Wise Bread and that was just a few(my memory is shot). They were so kind and SMART. It was wonderful and felt great to talk about things so close to my heart. It was a bit intimidating at first but I quickly got over it. I felt like I had been invited to peek into the "cool kid's club." It was glorious. I wonder if this is how impressive people feel?
On a less impressive note, I got $3 from PineCone so I'm at the grand total of $325 for Christmas. I did spend $54 on 8 movie tickets that I can hand out. I can give someone(probably will go to Anna's friends or some of the "younger" ones in the family) a $6.75 movie ticket that is worth $12 and a $10 gift card from Subway that I paid $5 for. So I'll give a gift worth $22 but I will have only spent $11.75. And actually, I spent nothing because it was all free money. How's that for stretching a buck!!!
I'm going to have to sit down and decide who is getting what. I've been buying but I haven't designated anything to anyone yet. Having free gifts to give out, isn't something I will complain about.
And when I do go to Vegas, I have an awesome and funny giveaway thanks to Donna Freedman. She is going to kill me over the title. I laughed all the way home over this one.
Have a great day,

Friday, October 7, 2011

Thursday, October 6, 2011

I'm Boring

I think that Thursdays are my boring day. Oh well, we always have Fridays and some half naked men to look forward to.
Anywho, remember how I was talking about how the village of Antioch idiots raised our water by 50%. Here is what our water looks like. I left the "white" cube in the top right side for reference. Yes, the water that we now pay 50% more for looks like piss.
I'm sure I will find something else to complain about today!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Tricky, Tricky

I have an awesome and sneaky tip. DJ is turning 16 in January and we like to do something special for their 16th. We are going to take DJ and a couple of his friends to the indoor water parks in the WI Dells. If you go on a Friday or Saturday night, its almost double the price and crowded. This you knew. But what I do is find out the days that our kids have institute days or a random day off that isn't happening in WI. Ahhhh so I get the room at a Sunday rate and the place is deserted. I rock. Feel free to use this tip any time!
Thanks for stopping over,

Monday, October 3, 2011

Number Crunching

This mess is enough to make your head spin unless you are sluggy and then you aren't able to contain your joy!
I'm going to give you the numbers and a quick run down of the problem and lets put our heads together for the sake of SonyaAnna's checkbook.
Long and short of it-Anna needs a car. We were going to see if she could make it without one but it is just too hard. We are going to give her the 1999 Lumina. That is the car that we promised DJ. I've never treated them differently but I don't see that we have a choice. Another problem is if DJ kept the car his monthly insurance would be over $200/month. When Anna had it, it was $100/month.  She was able to pay it by cleaning her great grandfather's house. There is just no way, even with birthday money, that DJ could come up with $2400/yr. I feel like a shitty parent but I can't think of a way to fix this one.
I played with the numbers for a while seeing if we got Anna her own policy and then we only had 2 cars. That way DJ wouldn't be a primary driver. It all worked out within a few dollars. Hours of crunching and it got me nowhere. Anyways here are the numbers.
We are paying $189 a month now. When DJ gets his license, it will add another $115 a month. So that is $304 a month. If I did drop Anna and got her her own policy, it would be $292(ish). I know that I would save $144 year but our current policy is going to drop once the car is moved to EIU(safer there than here). So I'm going to leave it until I get the final numbers.
Anywho, here is my question to you. How can I make this more fair to DJ? What part of the insurance should Anna have to pay? She is driving it so why should he get stuck with the bill? It would be $50/month for him if we gave her the car and she had her own policy. But why should she have to pay more because he has testicles?
This is really bothering me. They both should pay but DJ won't have a car like his sister. I've always been completely fair with them both but this time I don't see it happening.
Make me feel like a better parent,
PS-This is what Anna is doing at college. Maybe we should just let her drive the cardboard car and leave it at that.