Monday, April 30, 2012


I like to think that I have a thick skin. I've been around long enough not to let the little things bother me. Grain of salt and all that jazz. Maybe it's not insecurities as much as it is being out of touch with the world. I mean we haven't had cable/satellite since September 2010. I just may have forgotten how the world works or it changed while I didn't have access to real TV.
I have not had short hair since high school. That was a VERY long time ago. In fact, I have just about the same hair cut that I had in high school. I really hope that I don't revert and get my ass back into trouble.
When I was young, I had very straight hair. Hence, I had to perm and tease the hell out of it. It was the 80's, that was my only excuse. For some reason, having kids made my hair curly. VERY CURLY. The hair dresser said that usually people that have curly hair notice their hair goes straight after kids, not the other way around. I will never be normal.
My hair is curling so bad it is stuck to my head. Brushing makes it worse. My dear friend offered to straighten my pubes for me.
Child Rearing-
I talked to Anna and she said and I quote, "Mom, some guy paid me $100 to give him a ride." Hmmmmmm, that just didn't sound right. All I could feel was that I failed as a parent. I nicely asked her to explain as soon as my heart started beating again. She said that some drunk guy walked up to her and said he would give her $100. She knows just what to say to make everything better. He said that he wasn't from that area and he had to get somewhere and needed a ride. Right! And having a drunk stranger in the car didn't make me feel any better either. Once again, I was feeling as if I taught her NOTHING! She said that the only way that she would give him a ride was if she could bring a few of her guy friends with. He said, of course. She gave him a ride with a couple of the guy friends and told him to keep the money. He said, no you have no idea how much of a jam I was in. He tossed the money on the seat and left.
I will be posting about my daughter the prostitute/my nether region hair at a later date.Smile,

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Probably Lying

Did you ever post something and as soon as you hit publish something made a liar out of you? I'm really afraid to hit publish on this one.
I've lost 8 pounds and haven't done anything but cut out the dairy. Well for the most part. I slip every once in a while and will have a small piece of chocolate. I'm ok with this. But I am dreaming about butter. Honest to goodness, I was dreaming about being in a butter and brie store. Not sure if they have stores just for that but it would be either Heaven or Hell for me.
Now that I have posted losing 8 lbs, my ass will swell and I'll gain 11 back. That's just how things work around here!
Have a skinny day,

Tuesday, April 24, 2012


 I made the picture larger for our dear blind Mark. And now its blurry, I hope you are happy.
Anyways, I think that I am going to redo the entire house. And I'm going to try and redo it on the cheap. Or free. The above painting is my in-laws. If I swipe it, they will probably notice. I just won't be able to invite them over anymore. That would make me sad, Den not so much.
My MIL said that I could have the painting, she will inform my FIL when it is gone and he notices a huge blank spot on the wall. That is how she operates.
I'm thinking Tuscan for the kitchen.
She also gave me this lovely lamp. I don't have a place for it yet. It is kind of sticking out like a sore thumb but it spoke to me and I took it home. She said that if we wait long enough I can have everything that is hers. I like her more than her stuff. And my sister in law and I have made it very clear that we don't want her ugly blue couch. It is ugly and sort of flat. But she loves it. I now understand that kind of love with lamp.
I'll post more blurry pictures later. Let's just tell Mark he has glaucoma.

Monday, April 23, 2012

I'm So Smart

 While I am not one to start a war with a huge company, I feel the need to point out a bad business plan. The company did emerge from emerged from Chapter 11 bankruptcy, I think that they are trying very hard to do it again. On the other hand, I think that I have solved world hunger thanks to Six Flags.
Six Flags is now offering a season dining pass. "Pay once, eat all year for just $59.99." At first this might seem like a lot of money. But I think this is going to do them in. It is $9.99 for a refillable drink bottle/vat. It is $1 for a refill and free refills for the day. So let's do a little bit of math, shall we?
Let's do this for the average family of 4.

$239.96 for 4 passes.$59.99/each
 $70.00 for one packing pass
$59.99 for 4 dining passes. $59.99/each
  $9.99 for 1 refillable drink. Yes, you are sharing with other people and they might spit in. We are cheap and  it is going down like this so stop fighting it.
Total $559.91

Ok that looks like a lot of money. But I do have a plan to help you drive 6 Flags out of business. (On a side note, I did notice that a pass is only good "May 5 thru September 9." Meaning that you have to pay extra to go to fright fest that used to be FREE. We will get even with them for that one!) Now you will have to start using the dining pass on the very first day and never skip a day. The pass gives one lunch and one dinner daily. So that is 114 days to go get 2 meals. If you doubt me, go here. That breaks down to $4.91 a visit/meal for a family of 4 if you go every day and that includes passes, parking pass, dining passes, and refillable bottle. Add $1 a day/visit for drinks for the day if you want. $1.23 a day/visit per person for 2 meals and fun, fun, fun.  Super cheap!
Or you could look at this a different way. Let's think about a single guy that can't cook. If he buys a pass, parking pass, and dining pass, it would cost him $1.67 for two meals a day. I know what you are thinking, he probably has a job. If he works close to the park, he could go for lunch and then on his way home pick up a dinner and bring it home. Even if he only got dinner, $1.67 a meal if pretty cheap.
Or maybe this is my way of not cooking for the entire summer. Here is a list of the food that they are offering
"The program includes twelve different entrees at restaurants all over the park. Participating restaurants include Aunt Martha's Boarding House, JB's BBQ, Primo's Pizza, County Fair Grill, Maw & Paw's, Mooseburger Lodge, Great American Hot Dog and various other locations. Some of the entree options include cheeseburgers, sandwiches, chicken sandwiches, pizza and more."

 I'm not saying that there isn't a huge flaw in my plan like say..........weight gain, cholesterol, I'm even going to throw early death out there. And with all the refills you want for $1, you might end up like Natasha Harris

Did I tell you that we get in free because Anna is an employee? My fat wheels are turning.
Now I know that some people won't want to live at 6 Flags but cheap food is cheap food and I have 2 kids that are eating machines. Since Anna will be working there, I wonder if she could just buy the dining pass and eat there every day.
Just a silly thought,

Friday, April 20, 2012

Fab Abs Friday!

I got this one off of Facebook. Girl abs rock, too!
Have a great weekend,

Thursday, April 19, 2012


 Seriously, how in the hell do teenagers take such cute pictures of themselves. That one took about 15 tries and most of the time I looked like I had had a stroke.
 Great clips gave me this certificate for giving them my 10 inches. Last time, it was 14 but who is keeping count.
And here is me sans makeup and looking crazy. Oh well, it will be better for the summer-the hair not the crazy.
Thanks for stopping over,

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Damn the Milk Man

 I wish that I could say I was clean and sober. I made it a week and fell off of the wagon.
 When I fall off of the wagon, its more like the damned milk truck.
 I somehow believe that I am special and the rules don't apply to me. I will find a way to skirt my dairy allergy and be able to eat what I want again.
 As you can tell I found some awesome signs, I now want a bar so I can buy these awesome signs and hang them up. I really don't need a reason to drink though-alcohol that is. Milk is still a no-no.
 I feel so much better when I lay off the sauce. Literally, creamed sauce is a killer. I'll have an asthma attack.
 I'm back on the wagon. I start feeling great and then I eat some chocolate and I lose a day. I can't believe that I lived like that. The headaches are crushing. Poor Sonya.
The good news is I'm still able to have a drinky-poo. And to think all of the times that I thought I had a killer hang-over it was probably just the cheese that I ate. Sure.
Have a lactose-free day,

Monday, April 16, 2012


I bet that you thought I was going to say musical fruit, I'm naughty like that. Nope, we are playing musical cars. We bought my FIL's 2007 Amanti. He sold it to us for $6500, it is worth $12,000. They are awesome like that! I'm just so proud of us for not having a car payment.

This is Den in his new ride. And yes, he is flipping me off or you-you can take it however you want!
Anna got the 2004 Amanti. We are hoping that it lasts until she is done with college. Fingers crossed.
She was super happy. She got the car on Saturday and then left to spend Easter with Aaron's family. I said that it was alright that she missed Easter. They were here for my nephew's 3rd birthday. The family was getting together for the birthday party so I said it would probably be best to see everyone. And his family is very religious so they went there. I'm great like that.
And here is DJ in the white car that was Anna's car just a few moments earlier.
What you can't see in this picture is the shear panic of him getting his first insurance bill. He doesn't do well with stress and the thought of it is worrying him. He stresses way too much for a 16 year old.
I'm still driving the van and I'm happy with it. Now to maintain four cars maybe I will start panicking like DJ.
Thanks for coming to see me and our fleet,

Friday, April 13, 2012

Fab Abs Friday!

This is perfection!
Have a great weekend and feel free to cut and paste this one,

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Pitiful Money All Around

I got another $3 from Pinecone. I'm close to giving up on Toluna-part their fault, part mine. I haven't qualified for a survey in a long time. I'm getting tired of trying and they need to throw me a bone or two here. Anyways, here are the numbers...............
Pinecone $27
Toluna $80
BP $125
For a grand total of------$232
On a brighter note, Anna did not get the job at the summer camp. Haha, wait that wasn't the brighter note. But she did get into 6 Flags so she should be able to get overtime and make more than she would at the camp. So it all worked out. Well it worked out for Anna, not for DJ. Six flags is not as interested in him. He is now trying to get a job at a pizza place.
And that concludes another boring Thursday at my house!
Hope its more exciting at yours,

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


When we were watching Dalten the other day, he was trying to jump on my bed. I'm a meanie and said no. He could fall and get hurt. DJ said he remembered jumping on the bed when he was a kid. I asked him if he remembered how we would turn the fan(that is above the bed) on when he jumped. He was horrified that we were that terrible. I laughed and he didn't.
The truth is the fan was running and he jumped got on the bed and started jumping. This is the terrible part. Before I could stop him, he threw his head in the moving fan. He got hit about three times before he got his head out. I couldn't stop laughing because it sounded hollow. How did that happen?
The evil one,

Monday, April 9, 2012

Pumpkin Porn

This post will fall into the "shit that I really say" category. I told this story to my daughter, a lot of her friends and others. I don't see it as perversion, I see it as more of a service announcement.  If you have young daughters, feel free to cut and paste this for when the time comes. My husband said that I was welcome to say anything that I had to to keep the boys away. He encouraged things like this!
When Anna was at the age when boys were looking at her and I'm sure thinking naughty thoughts, this was the story that I told. *Feel free to gasp at anytime*
I told them about how a young man was arrested for indecent exposure and violating a vegetable.(Some will say this is an urban legend but if you count an inflatable pumpkin, then it is all true.)  This young man walked into a pumpkin field, cut a circle in a pumpkin and then........uuuummmmmm..............went to town.
I told the girls(while they had horrified looks on their faces) not to ever base their own value on a relationship. Never to base their self-esteem on what someone says to you. Have respect for themselves, dress with respect for themselves and you aren't a bitch for saying no. Look to yourself for acceptance and love. Invest in an education for yourself, never stop learning and always plan to stand on your two feet. And if all else fails and a boy breaks your heart remember, they are all pumpkin fuckers deep down.
I bet you can't wait to hear the tale that I told DJ about tail. I'm an equal opportunity offender. And so you know, I didn't call him a pumpkin fucker.
So are you sorry that you stopped by,
PS-Those pictures have an entirely different meaning now, don't they?

Friday, April 6, 2012

Fab Abs Friday!

Abs and arms,what more could you ask for? Nakedness!
Have a great weekend,

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Ass Roulette

And I'm not referring to Jessie our dog. Mark, Annie, and Sluggy, I'm debating whether or not you are allowed to leave a comment.
Did you ever play roulette? Did you ever play Russian roulette with your bum? That's what it has turned into at our house. Three of the four kitchen chairs are broken. DJ has broken all three. He has also broken a cabinet door. He thinks he is a thug and leans back in the chairs, not the cabinet. I used Frances' suggestion and made him fix a few things that he broke. Welp, we now know he will not be going into the carpentry field when he is older. Demolition-maybe.
I had said to Den that we weren't buying any new furniture until we are done with the children. Den usually doesn't show fear but he looked around at all of the furniture that was ready to break and I saw his fear. We could eat on the floor. Well, DJ could eat on the floor and Den and I could share the one good chair that is left. The one good chair would turn into another broken chair if we both sat in it.
If you feel brave, you are welcome to come over and sit in my chairs and try ass roulette. I will not join in this game because I have played it one too many times. Even when you don't move or breath when you are sitting, you still can't relax because you know it could give at any moment. I lifted my fork and the damn thing broke. The good news is my fat ass is a lot quicker than you think and I threw myself forward. I did not end up on the floor. Dalten did not fair as well as I did. If a chair can't hold a three year old, it's time to go.
I think I will give the table to my family that wants nothing to do with me. I think that it would make a great Christmas present for them and seeing as they all weigh over 300lbs this would be hugely entertaining for me.
Asses up,

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

So Sorry

I'm boring the shit out myself so I don't know how you are able to handle it. Did you ever have to spend time with someone and just their existence lulled you to sleep? Well that's me!
I got another $6 from Pinecone and $25 from BP. So my totals are................
Pinecone $24
Toluna $80
BP $125
For a grand total of------$229
Blech, I'm bored with myself! But I'm not going to wish for anything exciting to happen cuz its always terrible things that happen not good.
Maybe I should nap,